Ashley Taitt explores how Maid creates an honest portrayal of poverty and abuse while managing to do it with a grace and elegance that does not seem too harsh while being realistic at the same time.
What does real abuse mean? Beaten up? Hurt? And what does fake abuse look like? Intimidation? Threats? This is only a sliver of the journey Alex must go on to understand that what she has endured at the hands of her ex qualifies as abuse. Emotional abuse. Alex might not have been hit or sent to the hospital but the threat of her may be going, or saying something “wrong” and upsetting her ex is still there and that does qualify as abuse. Emotional abuse is anything that includes intimidation, verbal threats, humiliation, infantilization, and isolation that is done to a victim that might diminish their sense of identity and self-worth. When I first heard of this show, I was not expecting to be as moved as I was by it. I found myself hanging on the edge of my seat with a set of tissue boxes ready to cry my way through the show as I watched Alex’s journey of escaping and finally ridding herself of her abusive situation. I found myself reveling in the small victories she had, crying at the heartbreaking moments, laughing at the short comedic parts, and being thankful that I’ve never been put in a situation like this and happy that Alex managed to build a small support system of people willing to help her.
This series for dealing with such a heavy and loaded topic handles it with grace and elegance. The show pulls no punches and doesn’t sugarcoat what this beautiful and strong character has gone through. It certainly makes you feel for her when as the audience you discover that Alex does not have a full grasp of emotional abuse and how oftentimes damaging it can be. It brings tears to your eyes when you hear her explanation of what she describes as “real abuse.” This show helps you see how destructive society can be when it comes to showing women that emotional abuse is just as true as physical abuse. It also makes you feel lighter when you see that Alex has people in her corner helping her but not coddling her just because she is impoverished and has escaped a terrible situation. This show certainly makes the viewers cry and learn to celebrate the small victories of Alex’s. The show Maid certainly has done its part in fully showing this mother's willingness to escape her abusive life and manages to realistically demonstrate poverty while not hiding and sugar coating things and keeping it honest.
Has Society Failed This Woman?
One of the ways that Maid keeps the show honest is by expressing how hard it sometimes can be for victims to open up and understand their abuse. Abuse, while encompassing many shapes, is just starting to get recognized for all its forms. One such form is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is any act including isolation, gaslighting, and intimidation. Another word for this is psychological abuse. Maid mentions and brings light to such an issue that many might overlook. Some of the reasons that many may overlook this case of abuse are for the bruises that it fails to leave behind or because it is unrecognizable in the physical sense, but as shown by Maid it can be just as dangerous and just as harmful to the one on the receiving end. Maid has done an outstanding job in making it clear that they think emotional abuse is real. As shown in, “Maid's Message”, Polacko writes, “I broke down when it became Devastatingly clear that Alex (Margaret Qualley) is brainwashed by society to believe abuse is purely physical, so the young mom doesn’t even realize she’s a victim.” The impact that this statement had on me when coupled with actually watching this captivating and heart-wrenching story of Alex and how she made it out is strong. Society as Palocko continuously points out has failed Alex in teaching her that emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence and is just as equal. Alex not realizing that she is a victim, tugs at the heartstrings and makes even those who have not been in or have escaped from a domestic violence situation sympathize with the young woman.
When asked what real abuse looked like she expressed that real abuse looks physical and they are oftentimes hurt. This conversation as short as it is gives a brief look into Alex’s mindset that shows that she does not think that manipulation, gaslighting, and intimidation all qualify as domestic violence. As shown in, “A Single Mom’s Will to Survive” the writer understood and showed well-thought-out knowledge about what the tv series was about and the kind of message it wanted to leave behind. In the article, the author describes the overall theme which according to him is that small acts of kindness go a long way (at least for this particular character.) The very small but key acts went a long way toward helping Alex understand just what damage her ex did to her. From the girl in the domestic violence shelter giving Alex’s daughter the dolls and driving her to her former employers' house to make sure she got her money. The rich lady rehired Alex and gave her another chance despite Alex stealing her dog. Or the first encounter Alex had with the social worker who suggested Alex check into a domestic violence shelter. Even the experience with the owner of the domestic violence shelter who helped get Alex set up with classes so she can start the process of getting Maddie back. These small but generous actions have let me know that Alex has not been completely failed by society, despite it not teaching her about ALL forms of domestic abuse.
Another way that Maid keeps their portrayal of abuse honest is when Alex has a conversation with her mom while unloading the truck with the art pieces she brought to the gallery. Alex is explaining to her mother what she has been through but her mom isn’t hearing her. When Alex brings out the words emotional abuse there is a split-second pause in her mother’s stride that is broken by the joke she makes of Alex’s situation by saying, “How can emotions be abused?” The sentence is short but it was enough to show me that it wasn’t just society that failed Alex in a way her mother did too. By mocking what Alex has just revealed to her it’s clear to see that Alex’s mom did not help teach her child that abuse comes in many variations, it can be all, one, or multiple. For the short talk the two women had, it is revealed that Paula (Alex’s mother) in regards to women being intimidated, threatened, demeaned, and bullied into “submission” by their partners, simply cannot happen.
Hard Work, Low Pay!
To provide for herself and her child Alex takes small jobs cleaning to make living. While these jobs are good when you are starting and have no money they are not rewarding enough. It seems that even when Alex gets her paycheck that she will need to spend most of the money on the things necessary for her to keep the job. This is hard for Alex seeing as how the job offers very little in payment. It also doesn’t help that the work she does find is not very good when it comes to working conditions. From working for a rich woman with a dog to cleaning a dirty house that was previously inhabited by squatters Alex certainly has her work cut out for her if she wants to be able to provide for her child. These jobs are made even more difficult because Alex has no type of transportation considering she just lost her truck in a car accident and it was towed away. It is also particularly gut-punching how far Alex must go to get to her job. From taking the ferry to get across town to hitching a ride with another worker to get to the next one. Yes, Alex works hard and it seems that she is not getting well compensated for it.
Alex works hard sometimes pulling all-nighters but that doesn’t seem to have any bearing on how much she is paid. In the first episode, Alex cleans the rich woman’s house from top to bottom and has a fainting spell while in the middle of her cleaning. The hard work that Alex has to do is already, coupled with her barely being able to eat with the little money she has taking a toll on the woman. In the end, though for all the work she has done she does not get paid simply because the woman was not satisfied with the job Alex gave even though the woman said nothing in advance to Alex. The situation gets worse when Alex was unable to go back to redo the job and gets fired because she wasn’t able to return to work, despite her telling her boss that she had been in a car accident.
An Honest Portrayal of Poverty
Maid gives a refreshing and honest take on women and their struggle to get reacclimated into society after escaping domestic violence. While this series is fictional in an ideal sense it still manages to handle real-world issues with poise and grace all the while not making the show purely fantastical and seem fake. It is also captivating with how well they seemed to capture the mindset of a woman who has escaped her abusive environment. It is especially eye-opening in the way it approaches the small relationships that creates impressions on the viewers. But what is captivating is the way they portray poverty. What got me hooked was how in the first episode they showed how much budgeting Alex had to do to make the small amount of money Alex had last. It is brilliant how the directors, writers, and showrunners managed to (with my very basic knowledge) capture what poverty is like for single mothers that are trying to provide for their children. According to, “Maid: Refreshingly Honest about Poverty,” “In scenes throughout the series, numbers appear on the screen to signify the budgetary calculus Alex must do every time she earns a couple of bucks, then realizes she must immediately spend it.” At first glance, those numbers being on the bottom corner of the screen can appear to be annoying or even serve as confusion if you do not truly understand what Alex is doing and why. If you look closely and follow Alex’s movements as it pertains to the numbers on the screen it will click. They are important for someone in Alex’s shoes because it shows just how much money she currently has and how often she has to think about how much money she will need to spend. It creates this idea that even when you have some money you still need to be careful of what you buy and just because you want something it doesn’t mean you necessarily need it. It paints the idea that even if Alex might seem to have a large quantity of money, it certainly won’t stay that way for long, not when she has a child to think about or when she needs certain important things (such as clothing, personal items, and food.)
Another way that Maid is particularly honest about the way they portray money is in the third episode and Alex is moving into a homeless shelter. But it’s not the way that she is moving into the homeless shelter it’s about after she moves into the shelter and she goes out to eat with her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. It’s when she sits down to eat and when she orders. It’s the way she responds to her mom’s boyfriend when he tells her that she should pay. Maid is honest when it shows Alex not having enough money not even to pay for her meal. It’s honest in the way it manages to bring a connection (though very subtle) between Alex having a job and her having money. Alex not having enough money and relying on Alex’s mother and the boyfriend to pay is honest and very real, because the reality of the situation is that even though Alex has money and she moved into an apartment she does not have enough money not enough to pay for the small things like covering her part of the meal. It is honestly disheartening to see the two older people in Alex’s life put her down for not having enough money instead of telling her that she could pay them back later.
Complicating Evidence
Maid is not for the faint of heart. With all of its honesty and realness Maid is a play on your emotions. After sitting down with my professor and a friend, I’ve learned that while they did “enjoy” the show for all its complexities and liked how the creators made it realistic and true to some women’s actual lives, they could not endure another episode and found themselves not able to continue to the second episode after watching it. Even though I liked the characters and the chemistry they had working together I found myself crying within the first few minutes and pausing the show to take a breather. The show is raw and the actors pull no punches when they are putting in the work for the show to be a success. Is this the necessary way to spread awareness about Domestic violence? Yes. I think this is the way. While I was fully prepared to cry my heart out in nearly every episode I was also fully prepared to feel overjoyed that this show has taken such a realistic approach to how it handles not only the somewhat true story of Alex but the way it nuanced the characters that are centered around Alex as well. From the ex’s mother to the ex himself, the complicated relationship that Alex has with her mother. The show might be powerful in its deliverance of Alex but it certainly doesn’t hold back or make the show feel forced and fake.
In short, this show helps you see how destructive society can be when it comes to showing women that emotional abuse is just as true as physical abuse. It also makes you feel lighter when you see that Alex has people in her corner helping her but not coddling her just because she is impoverished and has escaped a terrible situation. The show certainly makes the viewers cry in pain and anger for Alex and celebrate the small victories and small battles that she overcomes. This beautiful and heartbreakingly good show has managed to wonderfully master how women find themselves going back to their violent situation even after they’ve left to how they deal with poverty, to how they navigate poverty with a child thrown in the mix and how women find it hard accepting that they’ve been abused. This show illustrates heartbreak and forces the audience to enjoy the small joys that it seems Alex has to go through in order to survive this new life that she’s trying to create for herself and her daughter.
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