Marne Dorsey advocates for the freedom of domestic violence victims and drives for the public to be educated on this issue.
What does a domestic violence victim look like? Most people would assume an abuse
victim would have visible scars, bruises, and appear to be noticeably suffering. This assumption couldn’t be far from the truth. After all, not every scar is visible, not every partner leaves a mark, and not all abuse is physical. Proof of this is shown in Netflix’s Maid.
Maid is a Netflix show that is based on a true story of a woman named Stephanie Land. The fictional character that reenacts her experience is Alex; a single mother and domestic violence victim who one wouldn’t be able to tell is being abused from the outside looking in. In this way, the depiction of domestic violence in Netflix’s Maid is immensely accurate. This chilling demonstration drives audiences and critics to open their minds and hearts to truly understand just how harsh it is to be in the position of a domestic violence victim and that sometimes the proof of domestic violence is shown by the broken glass that the victim may have dodged just in time.
The accuracy in Netflix’s Maid is seen through the important message that shows that all abuse isn’t physical. There are a lot of misconceptions about domestic violence and general expectations about what it looks like. Netflix debunks these assumptions through Alex’s journey. In the opening scene of Maid Alex is seen sneaking out of the house with her 3 year old daughter, Maddie. Her boyfriend, Sean, is currently still asleep, (episode 1). Later on in the series it is revealed that the reason for her leaving was due to an incident that occurred the night prior. Sean had thrown a glass plate at Alex during an argument, (episode 9). As the series progresses, we are taken down the memories and imagination of Alex, where we witness Sean verbally abusing her by using intimidation, insulting her, and screaming at her aggressively. Alex describes an outburst that Sean had after finding out she was pregnant with Maddie. He was first so kind to her when under the impression that she’d be having an abortion, but once she said that she wasn’t he threw all of her belongings into the rain while repeatedly yelling profanity at her, calling her dumb and claiming she ruined his life, (episode 2). This scene perfectly demonstrates the type of abuse Sean used on Alex. We also meet Alex’s friend from the domestic violence shelter, Danielle, who is being physically abused. Danielle tells Alex, “before they hit you, they hit near you.” (episode 8). These scenes do not show Sean ever physically harming Alex, but we witness him controlling her and causing her immense psychological and emotional damage. Many people are victims of this form of abuse and are unaware.
As explained, Alex was in denial of the reality of her abuse for a long time. She didn’t feel as though she was entitled to having a spot in the domestic violence shelter and she had to be convinced by strangers that she was in fact being abused. Likewise, many specific accounts of domestic violence in court cases prove that many victims believe domestic violence to be as obvious and brutal as it typically explained to be. This idea is the reason that many victims discredit their abuse, causing abusers to frequently be let off the hook. Felder and Blair argue, “But should her word have sufficed when battered women have been known to deny the reality of their situation?”. In this article, Felder and Blair dive into a case in which a woman who is being abused by her partner denied the fact that she had been abused, causing him to be let off the hook. The authors question whether or not her denial should’ve been credible enough or taken into account because of the common pattern of domestic violence victims being in denial. This supports the accuracy in Netflix’s Maid and the fact that Alex didn’t feel that she was an abuse victim because of the fact that her form of abuse wasn’t bloody and brutal.
More interestingly about Netflix’s depiction of abuse, Sean’s manipulation is the most accurate thing about Maid. It is fascinating how the writers intentionally hold off on showing us just how bad he is until we get further into the series. In an abusive relationship, most partners don’t know about the true nature of their partner for several months. In this way, the audience is being manipulated by Sean just like many domestic violence victims are. We also see so many scenes of Sean appearing kind, calm, and normal before we see all of Alex’s traumatizing flashbacks. When meeting with her caseworker, Alex is asked if she is being abused and we are taken back to a flashback of hers in which Sean is screaming aggressively at her, (episode 1). Sean also is seen uncovering his “nice guy” act behind closed doors when he and Alex are arguing about Sean taking the car that Alex needed to get to work and returning it to Nate. Sean aggressively slams Alex against the wall before leaving the house, (episode 8). These scenes accurately show how a narcissist is able to hide their identity from the public and be seen as a good person while the victim knows a completely different version of them. In a Maid review, Jen Chaney specifically points out the way Sean isn’t easily seeming like a villain. As more is revealed, the audience becomes more shocked. The creators of the show do a phenomenal job at putting the viewers in the shoes of a domestic violence victim in this way.
Relatively, Sean’s realistic manipulation is also brought to us by the financial control he possesses over Alex. Most domestic violence victims have no choice but to stay with their partner because they are dependent upon them. Most abusive partners will cut their victim off from all outside connections including jobs, friendships, families, etc. We see this in the way that Alex doesn’t have a job and hardly has any money when she leaves Sean for the first time, (episode 1). This reality is supported in an analysis conducted in 1998. Jean Williams finds, “Specifically, women discuss similarly impoverished circumstances and often indicate that their past histories involve abusive partners.”. This article discusses the circumstances of multiple women in a homeless shelter. The authors prove that many domestic violence victims have to turn to shelters as a place for refugees because they aren’t financially able to purchase a motel or afford a more comfortable environment to temporarily rest their heads, nor do they typically have many friends or families to go to. This is clearly presented in the way that Alex struggles to find a home and even has to sleep in her car or usually jump from home to home.
In addition to Sean’s seemingly “nice guy” act, Maid also includes the reality of generationally passed down trauma. Obviously when one grows up in a home of domestic violence, they’re consuming all of this behavior. Research has shown that children who are raised around domestic violence are more likely to grow up with mental health issues and become abuse victims as well. This cycle of generational trauma in Maid is shown through the relationships between Alex and her mom, and Alex and Maddy. As of episode 5, we find out that Alex’s mom, Paula, was also an abuse victim. In this episode, we see flashbacks of Alex’s mom finding Alex in the cupboard while hiding as her mom is being abused, (episode 5). This puts the idea that Alex was a product of her environment into play. Similarly, a cycle is indicated when Maddy is also hiding in the cupboard as Sean screams at Alex, (episode 9). It is this connection that alerts Alex. These scenes do a good job at showing just how a cycle like this can occur and leaves the audience wondering if Maddy could also possibly become a domestic violence victim.
Conversely, many argue that Alex wasn’t a “true” victim and that she brought her issues upon herself. Fawzia Khan expresses that Alex could’ve prevented her problems and that she is to blame. This evidence is supported by Alex denying her fathers help, (episode 5), rejecting her friend, Nate, (episode 7), almost getting back with Sean, (episode 8), and many other naive decisions. These ideas are perfect examples of victim blaming. Victim blaming is a concept in which one will evaluate a victim’s situation, and rather than sympathizing with the victim, they’ll criticize their choices and point out things that they could’ve done to prevent their problems. Victim blaming is unethical and excuses the behavior of an abuser. Regardless of what Alex may have done differently, Sean would’ve always been an abusive narcissist. Victim blaming is the reason why many victims do not come forth about what they have endured. Alex was justified in denying her fathers help. She had just left her abusive boyfriend who has a close bond with her father and she had also found out that her father had abused her mother. She wasn’t wrong for rejecting Nate because Nate wasn’t truly as helpful as he pretended to be. He only helped Alex in hopes of a romantic relationship, and once his plan fell through, he kicked her out and back into the street, (episode 7). It was also understandable that Alex didn’t believe that she was abused. She (like many others), believed in the stigma of abuse always being physical and extreme. Lastly, it is no surprise that she almost gave Sean a second chance. Most domestic violence victims love their partners and hold onto the good memories while trying to filter out the bad. As shown, Sean pretended to be changing and doing better to reel Alex back in, (episode 8). No victim should be blamed for doing what’s best for their mental health, healing on their own terms, taking a while to come to reality, falling victim to master manipulators, and making mistakes while maneuvering through their trauma.
In conclusion, Maid’s chilling demonstration of domestic violence drives audiences and critics to open their minds and hearts to truly understand just how harsh it is to be in the position of a domestic violence victim, and that sometimes the proof of domestic violence is shown by the broken glass that the victim may have dodged just in time. The accuracy in this series is demonstrated by debunking the stigma that all abuse looks the same, revealing the reality of manipulative partners and generational trauma. Most tv shows or films in Hollywood would take a topic of this nature and dramatize it to gain views. Netflix kept their domestic violence representation authentic and that is what really attracted its audience. In all, Maid allows us to look at the reality of abuse with a deeper insight that goes far beyond the broken glass.
Author bio: Marne Dorsey, Advocate and Nursing student at Bloomfield College
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